Silent Confession

e at noon, then got another scare in the evening, even his eyes sockets were red, Zhou MuHui could even see the glint of tears in his eyes, he thought Xin Yi would leave, or would shout abuse to fight back, but he did not.

           Xin Yi grabbed his hand and looked up at him, whispering that he wouldn’t get lost.

           “Zhou MuHui, you are so good-looking, why are you always wearing a mask.”

           His hand wasn’t well-behaved, or maybe it was because he was containing his fear, because Zhou MuHui couldn’t remember well that day, it’s just that Xin Yi’s fingers were scorching hot, when he poked him through the mask, there was a shiver that ran through his bone marrow.

           “Is it because of the scar?”

           He asked using a breathy voice, standing on his tippy toes and very close to him, as if he was telling a secret.

           “But I think that it looks very good, very cool.”

           He kept looking at Zhou MuHui, his eyes staring at him, but even if he mustered the courage to say all these words, Zhou MuHui still ignored him, only forcefully struggling free of his grip, then told him to get lost.

           His face looked even worse than before. 

           Xin Yi never cried when Zhou MuHui thought he was going to cry, he was so fierce with him yet he didn’t let out his tears, on the contrary, obediently looked at him for a moment, then turned around to leave. 

           Zhou MuHui didn’t understand what he wanted to do, his conditioned reflex was to refuse others’ approaches, he didn’t know why that little was so interested in him, he obviously got scolded by him the day before, obviously suffered from an injustice here the day before, but the next day he still appeared in front of him.

           Cutting him off before he even gets to open his mouth.

           He really seems like an obedient little kid, it only takes a glance to see that he has never done anything rebellious since he was a kid, looking at him with his hand behind his back, and telling him feeling wronged, “I won’t get lost, I’ve come again.” 

           Zhou MuHui did not get rid of him ever since, Xin Yi was like a piece of sticky dogskin plaster2, every time he came he was afraid to death, but he would still come every time.

           The car wash station he was working at wasn’t some kind of decent shop, those people were like the three religions and nine systems of philosophy3, they would always point fingers when Xin Yi came, and laugh obscenely.
Zhou MuHui never cared about it, he only sat and watched coldly, during the evening when Xin Yi carried his schoolbag and came over, he would just ignore him.

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           Xin Yi usually stayed until eight o’clock and leave, Zhou MuHui guessed that was because he had school the next day, but on a certain day, it was about to be nine, and he still didn’t move, carrying his backpack squatted in the corner and rubbing his eyes, Zhou MuHui was thinking that he was probably sleepy, a little kid, generally not really able to endure it4. 

           But he didn’t tell Xin Yi to go back, and even when he got off work he did not tell him.

           Zhou MuHui couldn’t understand why a kid like this would follow him, every day enjoying talking with him, teasing him, while being apprehensive and scared, his hands obviously shaking every time he talked with him.

           But he was very busy, he got off work at nine o’clock and has to go to his other job, he doesn’t have the time to fool around with the kid, but he went through two alleys and Xin Yi still hasn’t caught up, Zhou MuHui’s pace gradually became slower, then stiffly stopped, and closed his eyes heavily.

 

           He knew that those from the car wash stations were not good people, or else they wouldn’t have kept him, but when he heard Xin Yi’s heartbreaking cry calling his name, anxiety still rushed to his head, and his arms green veins were raised and rushed over with a terrifying expression.

           Zhou MuHui already rarely raises his hands, he was always restraining himself, no matter what it was, but when Xin Yi bumped into him ashen-faced, he was angrier than what he imagined.

           “I, I hit someone.”

           Xin Yi fell in his arms, gulped his saliva with fear, and said, “Zhou MuHui, this is the first time I hit someone…”

           Zhou MuHui saw that there was a mottled red print on his hand, and the torn clothes that were swaying, his breathing stopped a beat, then pulled him forcefully behind him.

           “Wait here for me.” 

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           No one liked him, Zhou MuHui was a different species at the car wash station, he was ostracized and isolated, but Zhou MuHui never let it bother him.

           He seldom cared about what others thought about him, or treated him. 

           But Xin Yi was different, he was only a little kid, he shouldn’t be here, or even more be bullied by these vulgar people. 

           When Zhou MuHui came back wounded, Xin Yi got a scare, his mask got torn during the fight, Xin Yi hastily ran toward him, wanting to help him.

           But Zhou MuHui pushed him away, he was very annoyed, because of that group of bastards, and also because of Xin Yi.

           “He, he pinched my waist…”

           Xin Yi saw that his expression was ugly, and explained while stumbling on his words, “I just pushed him…”

           Zhou MuHui didn’t say anything, only stayed quiet, looking at him calmly.

           “Don’t come again.” Zhou MuHui said, “Don’t follow me again.”

           “……”

           Xin Yi widened his eyes, looking at him at a loss, “Is it because I hit someone…?”

           That pair of eyes were too pure, he never went through anything, would his life have things such as crime, violence, and indecency?

           No, he would even think that what just happened was just pulling and pushing, because others could see that he was little, that’s why they bullied him on purpose.

           Xin Yi was too young, he was only a very curious little kid.

           Zhou MuHui didn’t say anything, turning around to leave.

           “Zhou MuHui!”

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           But Xin Yi followed him again, surrounding him anxiously, “Then next time I won’t hit people won’t it be fine then?”

           “I won’t cause you troubles, I…”

           “I killed someone, do you understand?”

           Zhou MuHui was annoyed, pressed him against the wall, snapped, and got closer to him.

           The scar on his face was very long, it was the only trace that was left of that act of sin, Xin Yi stared at him dumbly, his eyes were too clean, Zhou MuHui thought, he shouldn’t have met him.

           “I’ve killed someone, I went to jail, I am not a good person.”

           “…Don’t follow me.”

           Zhou MuHui’s voice was vicious, but his palm was covering his face (XY’s ?).

           His was a sin, Xin Yi should stay away from sin.

           “……”

           Xin Yi was struck dumb, and didn’t return to his senses for a long time, when Zhou MuHui was going to leave, he suddenly hugged his arm.

           “Oh…”

           He nodded confusedly, then tilted up his head to ask him, “Then was it your fault?”

           One shouldn’t ask right or wrong when committing a crime, Zhou MuHui was thinking, no matter what the reason was, but he couldn’t bring himself to answer this question.

           “Yes.”

           After a long time, Zhou MuHui said.

           Hence, Xin Yi loosened his grip, Zhou MuHui couldn’t find the words to describe what he felt at that moment, it’s just that his chest suddenly shook, but he didn’t say anything else, only quietly turned around, took his things, and left.

           He probably can’t stay at the car wash station anymore, he had to take advantage of tonight, to find another job.

           But footsteps slowly resonated behind him, it was the kid who almost followed him for a month, Zhou MuHui could hear it.

           “Get lost.”

           Zhou MuHui didn’t turn his head.

           “..
Not getting lost.”

           Xin Yi’s voice was very small, as if mumbling, “I’m not even afraid of you.”

           Zhou MuHui stopped his steps, the little kid behind him probably didn’t notice, bumping head first, Zhou MuHui heard his small cry, seemingly to hold his forehead and cry out of pain, he paused, and turned around looking at him coldly.

           “Why are you following me?”

           Xin Yi’s face suddenly became red, Zho MuHui furrowed his eyebrows, heard him open his mouth but was stunned for an instant.

           “… What?”

           Xin Yi was embarrassed by his stare, quietly put his hands behind his back, pulled at the straps of his backpack, and said feeling wronged.

           “Like you ah…”