The Girls Who Traumatized Me Keep Glancing at Me, but Alas, It’s Too Late (WN)

“I will never let you go.
Let’s live together like before? Or do you hate me?” (Mother)

　Mom’s gaze wavers uneasily.
Then she clings to me gently and sweetly, as if it were a flirtatious gesture.
Even though we are sitting right beside each other and the distance between us is very close, she pulls me even closer to her.
Mom’s hand slowly caresses my cheek.

“How could I not want you?　If you go to that man, even If he tries to take it from me, I’ll kill the man who told you to do it.” (Mother)

“You’re overreacting.” (Yuki)

　Eeeeeeh, you’re lying!　Please tell me it’s not true, mom!　The statement is so disturbing that it scares me.
I can’t help but feel as if her eyes, with their lights gone, are telling me that it’s not a lie.
Mom’s body is trembling.
I wonder if she’s suppressing her anger or if it’s because she’s sad, but it’s summer.
I don’t think it’s because it’s cold.
I don’t know what to do, so I try to hug her to calm her down.

“I won’t go if you tell me not to.
Is that okay with you?” (Yuki)

“I can’t stand the thought of you being gone again after we got to talk like this.…… I know it’s my fault.
I don’t want to let you go without making up for my sins of neglecting you.”

　I made her cry again.
If this continues, the day will soon come when I’ll have to list making my mother cry as a special skill on my resume.
But there was something that bothered me more than anything.

“Do you want to live with me because you think it’s a sin?” (Yuki)

“No, no!　That’s not true.
I’m sorry!　That’s not what I meant.
It’s not that.
It’s that I want to be with you—-.” (Mother)

“All right, all right, then give me a little less strength …… and elasticity in your chest …….” (Yuki)

“It’s just the three of us, me, Yuri and Yukito that want to live together.
No,…… I don’t want to use you for me,…….
I’m not like that guy!” (Mother)

“Why did you get on my lap, Mom? your butt is soft too.
Oh, crap.” (Yuki)

　My true feelings were leaking out.
She leaned forward and hugged me tightly.
Noooooooo, breasts at the front gate, buttocks at the back gate.
My rational mind is in crisis!　Am I a pervert?

My mom hurriedly repeated her words as if she was trying to make up for something, but I think she meant it.
It’s because of this that my mother and sister are overly concerned about me.
And no matter how much I say I don’t care, it will never make them feel better.
There’s nothing I can do about it.
I can’t do anything about it, because it’s not up to me to forgive them, it’s up to them.

　In retrospect, there have been many times when that has happened.
If I rejected Shiori’s confession, would she stop caring about me? I don’t think so.
Shiori would still try to get involved.
It’s because she feels guilty and indebted to me.
But that would be too painful for her.

　It’s the same with President Keido.
She’s always saying outrageous things, but it’s only because she feels guilty.
That’s exactly why Mikumo-senpai, who is supposed to be uncomfortable with men, is approaching me, and the same goes for Tojo-senpai.
Even Sanjoji-sensei isn’t usually like that.

　The relationship between me and the girls is no longer equal.
It’s a cowardly relationship that only gives me an advantage.
If I ask for something, they might accept it.
But is that what “love” is all about?

　Finally, I realize.

Back then, when I was in the eighth grade, the reason why I liked Hinagi was because we were equal childhood friends.
We just shared the same time together without any hesitation.
So what about now?　What about us? I can’t do it anymore.
As long as she holds onto the sin of lying, as long as she can’t get rid of it, our relationship can’t move forward.
We can’t even go back to being old childhood friends in a distorted way.

　What can I do?　What can I do for them?　Is there anything I can do?　Is it really possible for me to help them deal with the trauma they are going through?　They are asking for my forgiveness.
But I have forgiven them from the beginning, and it is they themselves who have not forgiven them.
That’s what I think.

　Is this feeling “love” or “sin”?

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